You are currently browsing the monthly archive for October, 2007.
Hergenhahn, B. R., and Matthew H. Olson. An Introduction to Theories of Personality. 7th ed. Upper Saddle River: Pearson Prentice Hall, 2007. 457-458.
Carl Rogers: “Modern Marriage”
Statistics indicate that the institution of marriage in out culture is in trouble and, according to Rogers, this is because marriages are too often based on outdated, simplistic, fallacious, or selfish assumptions. For example, couples frequently believe that simply being in love or being committed to each other is enough to o sustain a marriage. Rogers (1972a) gathered statements that he believed signaled these dangerous assumptions:
“I love you”; “We love each other.”…”I commit myself wholly to you and your welfare”… “I am more concerned for you than I am for myself. “… “We will work hard on our marriage.”… “We hold the institution of marriage sacred, and it will be sacred for us.” … “We pledge ourselves to each other until death do us part.”… “We are destined for each other.” (pp. 199-200)
According to Rogers, all of the preceding statements miss the important point that for marriage to work it must be egalitarian, enriching, and satisfying for both partners. Marriage should be a dynamic process within which both partners continually grow. The only pledge that made any sense to Rogers is, “We each commit ourselves to working together on the changing process of our present relationship, because that relationship is currently enriching our love and our life and we wish it to grow.” (1972a, p.201). A good marriage is one that is mutually beneficial to the partners involved.
Rogers observed themes running through the apparently successful marriages of couples who had learned the person-centered philosophy from discussion groups, encounter groups, or individual therapy. Rogers summarized those themes:
Difficulties already present in the partnership are brought into the open… Communication becomes more open, more real, with more mutual listening… The partners come to recognize the value of separateness… The woman’s growing independence is recognized as valuable in the relationship… There is increasing recognition of the importance of feelings, as well as reason, of emotions as well as intellect… There is a thrust toward the experiencing of greater mutual trust, personal growth, and share interests… Roles, and role expectations, tend to drop away and are replaced by the person choosing her own way of behaving… There is a more realistic appraisal of the needs each can meet in the other… So-called satellite relationships may be formed by either partner, and this often causes pain as well as enriching growth. (1977, pp.45-54)
Rogers (1977) elaborated on the point concerning satellite relationships:
Satellite relationship means a close secondary relationship outside the marriage which may or may not involve sexual intercourse, but which is valued for itself… When two persons in a partnership learn to look upon each other as seperate persons, with separate as well as mutual interests and needs, they are likely to discover that outside relationships are one of those needs. (pp. 52-53)
The notion of satellite relationships brings jealousy to mind. For Rogers, however, jealousy suggested possessiveness:
To the extent that jealousy is made up of a sense of possessiveness, any alteration in that feeling makes a profound difference in the politics of the marriage relationship. To the degree that each partner becomes truly a free agent, then the relationship only has permanence if the partners are committed to each other, are in good communication with each other, accept themselves as separates, and live together as persons, not roles. This is a new and mature kind of relationship toward which many couples are striving. (1977, p.55)
Rogers (1977) described a married couple that apparently had overcome possessiveness and its related feeling of jealousy:
Fred and Trish endeavored to make their marriage a relationship in which primary value is placed on each of them as persons. They have tried to share in decision-making, the desired of each having equal weight. Each seems to have avoided, to an unusual degree, any need to possess or control the other. They have developed a partnership in whic their lives are both separate and together. They have each developed relationships outside of marriage, and these intimate interactions have often been sexual in nature. They have communicated openly about these relationships and appear to have accepted them as a natural and rewarding part of their individual lives and of their marriage. They like their life-style. Theirs is a marriage both person-centered and far from conventional. (p. 205)
Permitting an intimate satellite relationship within a marriage is apparently easier to accept intellectually than it is emotionally because so many couples that have tried one or more of them have ended in divorce. For it to work, according to Rogers, the idea must be acceptable to both marital partners on both intellectual and emotional levels.
——————————————————–
On Satellite Relationship:
I simply disagree with this point that Rogers made. Satellite relationship simply shows that each marital partners are not satisfied with each other for them to need others to satisfy their sexual needs. In fact, why marry the person if you’re only going to try and find others to satisfy you in the future? Such open marriage is one that I oppose very very deeply.
However, Rogers made really good points in all of the other areas. He talked about how the two partners must accept for the fact that they are both separate individuals but they must somehow work together in making the marriage “work.” A lot of times people do forget this and marriages are often a selfish act. For example, women who desire marriage for the chance to be dependent towards their husband. So wrong…
Simply put, this article really expresses how I feel about marriage (except the satellite-marriage part – NO WAY). Funny thing is that this article is written back in the 70’s and it’s funny how the divorce rate hasn’t gone down until today. Cause? More educated and independent women of course 
A lot of women choose not to get married young and they have learned from past experiences that early marriage does not work (usually learning from their parents). In fact, every time I talk to someone, it has become casual to say, “I went to my dad’s, and then to my mom’s during the week.” or something along those line…
So there you go folks… Let’s together stop the divorce phenomena, make better choice(s) in life, and don’t make the same mistake most of our baby boomers and later generations have made
What is it that we truly live for? Really? We go through life as if it’s a routine, but are you really living life the way you really want it to be? Are you really following your bliss. The other day my psych professor made us close our eyes and think about our choices in life. Oh I question my choices in life all the time but I try to avoid them, it’s simply to painful and difficult to face. Which introduces me to my newly favorite psychology theorist: Carl Rogers.
But I will not mention him until later article. This entry simply focuses on whether or not we are actually living life to the fullest. Are we living everyday to the fullest? I feel like a lot of us don’t. In fact I know I don’t. And I try to!
Let’s take school and everyday work for example. What is school? Education for your own purpose, not anyone else’s, but simply yours. So does it matter whether you get straight A’s or be average or simply be bad in school? It is your own choice, isn’t it? Some of us live life trying to satisfy other than ourselves and this is one sad fact. I myself try to satisfy others more than I try to satisfy myself. But this is my point of view, others may view it differently. No one can view themselves thoroughly… Maybe a second set of mind would add to the calculation.
Back to topic, another example would be work. Does it matter for you to sit down and stress about that customer who cussed at you uncontrollably today? Or does it really matter that you get mad and frustrated over that one customer who just couldn’t get his hands on his own money? Or that person who spills the drink all over the store? Really… Does it? In fact we ourselves choose who and how we want to react. It’s funny how a lot of times people say, “that lady made me really angry.” But really, who is it that makes you angry but yourself? You let yourself be angry and upset, it’s your own choice.
Same thing with school. I hear these statements everyday: “I need to get an A in this class.” or “I need to be the best in class.” But will that class really matter later on in your life? Will you think about that time you got an A in Math 100 once you turn 75? If you even get there…
I see life as this really long strand of string. And it really doesn’t matter what happens throughout that string as long as I’m happy. I see shit that happens in life as little dots that really has nothing compared to my whole entire life! Breaking up? Dealing with domestic violence? Losing your best friend? Sure it’s harsh, but if you put that event on the long strand of string, it’s nothing.
So again, it’s all about choices, right? I chose to smile today. I chose to make someone else’s day today. In fact, if I make someone else smile, it makes me smile as well and this is how I try to live life everyday. Sure there are times when I just feel like crouching into a little ball, but don’t we all? But afterwards, everything is okay, and there’s no need to stress about the little things.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just live life by viewing it as this long strand of string? In my eyes, it doesn’t matter that I go to school today, it doesn’t matter that I work my ass for money today, but what matters is that I am happy. About following my bliss? Yeah, that needs some work. But nevertheless, being happy from time to time is all that you need.
Then in the end, we can just be thankful for this short life that we’re given. Who knows, I could be hit by a car tomorrow and if I’d been this ruthless, unthankful, winy little kid, I will just die with regret. Think about it. What if you die tomorrow? What would you do? This is why I simply want to just live everyday as if I’m going to die tomorrow. I want to live life to its fullest.
And with this entry I’ll say:
I love you all, all my friends and family
I thank you all, everyone in my life
I cherish you all, for being a part of my string
And forgive me, if I ever been a bitch
Baltimore is part of Maryland, correct? So why is it just an hour away from Montgomery County, you can really feel the difference in the public transportation? As someone who rely solely on public transportation, I feel as if Maryland has disappointed me. Let’s put it this way: living in Montgomery County made going from one point to another easy and effective whereas living in Baltimore County made going from one point to another as hard as hell.
The closest bus route will take me to school in about 15-20 minutes (including walking and waiting time). By the way, school is only 3-4 minutes away by driving. So this time being used on transportation really took a toll on me. For example this morning when I lost about 30 minutes in total which I could have used to eat breakfast before going to work – all because I missed the bus by 30 seconds (which is quite sad, by the way).
All that I don’t understand is how come governor O’Malley doesn’t see this as an issue? Or maybe he doesn’t realize this at all. For commuters to go from Baltimore to DC is difficult, ineffective and expensive!
Comparing Montgomery County’s $1.25 bus ride to Baltimore County’s $1.60 bus ride – that’s quite a big gap for two counties who are only about an hour away. That is a terrible gap which could result in big difference in the end. Just imagine how much you would spend in a week? Weekly pass in Baltimore County cost approximately $20++ whereas Montgomery County only charge $11. Big difference.
Maybe this is something I could bring up to attention? I am aware that the state of Maryland is (apparently) facing a deficit in their budget for about a few million dollars. I don’t know the details on this, I only heard of it from my professor. But either way, one of the main things that Baltimore County could improve is their public transportation.
Can anyone tell me where I could reach them to raise this issue?
Well, as we all probably have known, global warming is one of the biggest issue that currently threatens the lives on Earth. It is evident today that living green is becoming more than just a necessity, it is becoming a trend. People are spending thousands and accumulate even to millions in the attempt to save this dreadful Earth. But will it all be worth it?
I am by no means against a lot of the “green-trends.” For example, hybrid cars, saving energy, recycling and the such are easy to do. But if you ask me to redo my whole house to make it “green”, I think I’d be broke by now! Thumbs up to those out there who succeeded in this attempt. However, I am not looking at the small scale expenses (by this I mean family homes and such), instead I am looking at big industries and the government as a whole.
It is evident that the government spent millions and millions and dollars trying to cut greenhouse gas emissions. I’m sorry that I have no exact statistics to show you, but you can request one if you’d like, I wrote a whole research paper on this…:) And really, what better things could all those money be spent on, right? Just how sad it is to see all of those money being wasted, yes, WASTED to nothing.
Face it, global warming is inevitable. It is part of nature and from the way it looks, there is no way we could stop it now. We are already entering the “lag” between the beginning and the climax to global warming and we are now just waiting for the big “boom” to happen. Yes, when hurricanes are going to come one after another, threatening every living organism on Earth. That includes us, sad, sad homo-sapiens.
When we look at the big picture, we can see that preparing for those days actually cost less. Also, helping countries in need would be useful. More than 2 thirds of the Earth is covered with developing countries and these countries are unable to recover from a lot of the natural disasters that global warming has brought. Compare that to the natural disaster here in the U.S.: Hurricane Katrina. Sure, it was devastating and there are lots of people who died and lost their homes. But so did those people in India and Indonesia! Even worse, the government’s economy are so bad that they couldn’t rebuild until this very day. Compare that to New Orleans which from how I see it has seen a lot of recoveries lately.
What I’m trying to say here is, why don’t we spend our efforts and money helping those countries in need and stop wasting our time trying to reverse what mother nature has brought upon us? Global warming and all of its effects are inevitable. That is a fact. It is simply impossible for every single individual on Earth to reverse their lifestyle in order to become this Earth more “green”. It costs too much and it requires too much time. And time is what we don’t have.
We are now waiting for another hurricane to hit another developing countries who are already battling their days with other economic problems. So why don’t we do that? How? Go ahead and open up Google and search for a lot of donation-page helping those in need. Trust me, helping the current people in need and prepare for the future is all we can do. It is ALL we can do.
Which College Major Should You Be? |
|
 |
Your major should be Biology. You work hard, and you’re gonna keep working hard for many years to come. That’s why you keep your work organized and your health in good shape. |
| Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com | |
Well I found this online and filled it out before and it said that my major should be Business and Biology, yet everytime I go back and fill it out again, it says my major should be Biology. Oh well… I’m already on the science field and I think that’s good enough
Well, it was around 3:00pm and the roll on the new Resident Evil: Extinction started. The one movie I’ve been waiting for all summer. Why? Well I’ve been following the game (not play it, but simply follow it) and watched all the sequels. I must say: one of the most action-packed movie there is out there! However, this latest sequel brought more disappointments than satisfaction.
First, let’s start with the action. I would expect it to be more action packed, Alice running around, killing people and showing off her true-mutated skills. Yet the movie is simply filled with blood-hungry zombies running around, screaming citizens and a lot of sand. Where has the action gone? Oh, and the intense moments? Sure it gets me all tight in my seat, but it makes me tired at the same time. It tires me to have to go through intense moment one after another.
Second, the story. Wasn’t this sequel supposed to be the last sequel? Spoiler here guys: we are expecting a fourth sequel for Resident Evil. For some reason, when movies reaches sequels that are more than three, it’s basically off my “favorite movies” list (Harry Potter is an exception of course). Which reminds me to mention about the Saw IV trailer I saw earlier. I thought Saw III is supposed to be the last?
Well overall, it’s still pretty action-y and there are some cool scenes and love/warm touches here in there. Unfortunately Resident Evil has lost its gory, action-packed sense from it. Sad. Sad. Sad. Or perhaps this is where the filmmakers are taking it? I don’t know…
