My Road

Perhaps there’s a plan written for me out there. Follow your instincts. What if my instincts are bad? What if I’ve made the wrong decision after all?

I am in my junior year of college and I’m struggling. Bad. I feel like I’ve made a mistake to even move to Baltimore in the first place. Yes I’ve gained experience and made lots of new friends. But what now? I’m stuck with no money whatsoever.  Living away from home is difficult. I didn’t expect it to be this difficult. I didn’t expect it to be so expensive. I’m not ready.

It’s my fault to have pushed myself to my own limits. I should have listened, “it’s better that you wait, you’re not going to make it on your own, you’re not ready.” But I closed my ears and pretended they were wrong. I was selfish. I let my ego took over me. I should’ve… I should’ve… I should’ve…

If I keep saying that I wouldn’t get anywhere, wouldn’t I?

I called for guidance, and I found none. I literally trembled scared. I’m scared. Why wouldn’t I? But I know that I will get through this. I’m on my own, yes. But this time I have to make the right decision and I will listen better. I’ve made a mistake. In fact, I made lots of mistakes. But I guess that’s the road to adulthood? Making mistakes and fixing them? Learning what’s right and what’s wrong.

And I guess letting my ego won was wrong.

… I’ll update more when I figure out what to do next. I myself don’t even know what I’m going to do next. It’s like a mystery…