Me vs. The Culture

“Shame on you for no religion.”
“Where’s your respect for your ancestors?”

I must say, I have grown even further away from my culture’s beliefs and ways of life. I don’t blame modernity and technology, really, I simply grew into a more individualized person who wish for no attachments with religion and silly customs. What do I get for voicing out my opinions? Criticism from my own blood relatives.

I have grown to be much more open in life, to accept things as they are, and to explore every inch of possibilities there are to offer. Arts, for example, is one way that I really express my thoughts and feelings. But sometimes, even arts can be viewed as taboo. Nudity, sex, profanity and everything in between are parts of arts itself. In my opinion, if that’s what it takes to express your artistic views, then that’s the only way there is. No need to shy away from honest expressions.

Unfortunately, even until today, I am still unable to express my views wholly. My views on sex, drugs, the beauty of nudity and using profanity. What will the family say!

“It’s not just all about you. It’s about our culture too, you have to preserve it.”

Aren’t I preserving my culture anyway? In ways that doesn’t require signing up for religion and following the customs. I am proud of my heredity, of my ancestors and the way the community live their lives. I am proud to be Indonesian, to have shared such rich background and be able to experience such different lifestyles. But I am me, and to be proud of my culture, I don’t think I HAVE to live the life everybody else is living.

In fact, I know many individuals who perhaps have the same ideas and thoughts as me, who wish to be more open and expressive, but are bound to the ties of their culture. The result? Hypocrites. Individuals who say one thing and do another. Who wears veils for nothing, who reads the Qur’an for nothing, and who live a life of lies. Who swears for no sex before marriage, who swears for no alcohol or drugs… lies. It’s a shame, really.

At least I’m honest. I am not brave enough to be as expressive as I’d like to be, but hey, I’m getting there. It isn’t easy to be slowly breaking away from the ways of one’s customs. It isn’t easy to be a separate individual. But perhaps and hopefully one day I will be able to express my thoughts in feelings in my own open ways. I’m sure some people will understand. I’m sure some people won’t judge me, won’t look at me from where I came from, whose family I was raised with and so on. I’m sure that there are and will be some people who will view my expressions for what they are.

Me vs. the culture. Today, I win.